“God is too big to be contained in one head.”

so, i must say that the series we’re doing at church right now (“prayer”) has challenged me on levels that i didn’t even know existed.

today, for the first time in my entire life, i was overwhelmed by information, by God, by church, by learning, by being. it was a scary thing..i kind of hated it, but i kind of liked it.  but i realized today that I should be overwhelmed by God, every day should be overwhelming (although i’m not sure thats sustainable, but whatever)…but saying that i never have been makes me pretty sad.

recently i’ve started to feel like the novelty of my renewed christian life is wearing off and it is something i have to work a little harder at. I mean, like i told kyle today my favorite day of the week is sunday, but its like “with great power comes great responsibility” only my power is knowledge. so the more i learn about God, about faith, about religion, about people, the more i have to serve, to share, to minister, to shepherd and care. its tough sometimes, lets not lie. I love it when people in my lifegroup are like “wait, listen to me, let me teach you.” i love that feeling, where i actually am being a learner and not just a leader.

I can’t wait to go to Haiti. I’m so ready to be there, to see it, to feel it. I want to be Jesus’ hands and feet, and not just in Haiti, but here in Raleigh and even at Crosspointe. I want to be with people, I want to help. Today, steve was like “when are you going to stop waiting for God to say “yes” and instead go until he says ‘no?’” Isn’t that the truth? I keep waiting for the right time, in “God’s time” but isn’t all time God’s time? Mostly I’m just waiting for me. And that’s dumb.

 

“Through it all I’ve come to understand God’s love…knowing You has made me able to go on”

we all want to change the world…3:33

Isn’t it strange how life seems to go in cycles?

Isn’t it strange how people can fool you?

Isn’t it strange how I always seem to catch the time 3:33 (usually p.m. thankfully) on the clock?

Isn’t it strange how quickly your life can make a dramatic turnaround?

Isn’t it strange how easy it would be to just quit?

Isn’t it strange how you think you know the people around you but really you have no idea what their struggles are?

—–

At church we had a “prayer service” tonight. On Sunday, Jonathan asked us to write up something that we were personally struggling with on paper hung up around the room. Then tonight from 4-9 they opened the doors and people just came and prayed over whatever people’s struggles were. Every time the struggle was prayed over, the person praying circled the struggle.

On Sunday when it was explained and we all went to write, it seems so simple. But tonight was one of the most powerful moments I have ever had in my life. Reading what people are struggling with really brought 4 things to my attention

1. There are a TON of other people who are struggling with what I’m struggling with…which is insanely amazing to know. (I wish I knew who they were so we could talk about it…but its nice to know that other people feel like me!)
2. My struggles aren’t as bad as a lot of people’s struggles.
3. The people I go to church with are human too. They hurt, they have problems, they’re life isn’t peachy. And they come and they smile and say hi and pretend everything is great, even when they’re carrying some pretty heavy stuff around.
4. My church is awesomely amazingly wonderful. To see all the circles, all the people praying, all the tears and heartfelt emotion people displayed when reading some of the struggles…its AWESOME to have those kind of people walking with me.

Tonight was a night i’ll remember for a long long long time. These people and their troubles and needs are stamped on my heart. It is easy to think about suffering as something that happens in the third world or someplace that isn’t one of the richest areas in the country– but everyone is suffering with their demons.

“You’re the light in this darkness, You are…”