“God is too big to be contained in one head.”

so, i must say that the series we’re doing at church right now (“prayer”) has challenged me on levels that i didn’t even know existed.

today, for the first time in my entire life, i was overwhelmed by information, by God, by church, by learning, by being. it was a scary thing..i kind of hated it, but i kind of liked it.  but i realized today that I should be overwhelmed by God, every day should be overwhelming (although i’m not sure thats sustainable, but whatever)…but saying that i never have been makes me pretty sad.

recently i’ve started to feel like the novelty of my renewed christian life is wearing off and it is something i have to work a little harder at. I mean, like i told kyle today my favorite day of the week is sunday, but its like “with great power comes great responsibility” only my power is knowledge. so the more i learn about God, about faith, about religion, about people, the more i have to serve, to share, to minister, to shepherd and care. its tough sometimes, lets not lie. I love it when people in my lifegroup are like “wait, listen to me, let me teach you.” i love that feeling, where i actually am being a learner and not just a leader.

I can’t wait to go to Haiti. I’m so ready to be there, to see it, to feel it. I want to be Jesus’ hands and feet, and not just in Haiti, but here in Raleigh and even at Crosspointe. I want to be with people, I want to help. Today, steve was like “when are you going to stop waiting for God to say “yes” and instead go until he says ‘no?’” Isn’t that the truth? I keep waiting for the right time, in “God’s time” but isn’t all time God’s time? Mostly I’m just waiting for me. And that’s dumb.

 

“Through it all I’ve come to understand God’s love…knowing You has made me able to go on”

nightmares!

oh my goodness. I just remembered the dream I had the other night- I was FREAKING out when I woke up, and I haven’t had a bad dream in a very long time!

my brother and I were murderers and we had just killed this guy in a store and thought we got away with it. then we’re walking in this shopping plaza and suddenly these undercover cops roll up and arrest us and we’re charged with international murder x 8! of course, i’m freaking out thinking about how they’ll kick me out of school and i won’t be able to get a job and i’ll lose all my friends, and basically am hyperventilating in this dream.

So i wake up and i’m in one of those sleep modes where even though you wake up you know if you went back to sleep you’d end up dreaming the same dream. So i’m like trying every scenario to not start dreaming the same dream again…i guess i was successful!

life’s crazy this weekend, i had research with 60 eighth graders yesterday, and then am babysitting andrea’s kids today and tomorrow, then i think helping johnna with lifegroup tomorrow…but! Fall break wednesday-sunday Can’t wait!!!!

anyway. nothing else to add at this point….

“i don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity”