it’s a fact, whether you choose to believe it or not.

where we come from determines who we are.

it’s a powerful statement.

examples?

if you come from a certain global region, chances are you’ll have an accent to match.

if your parents value music or art or politics, chances are you’ll have a similar interest.

if your parents are tall and thin, chances are you’ll be of similar stature.

so why is it so different with christianity?

I am from God. and that should determine who i am, what I do.

For some people it does. Their actions coincide with their belief that they are from God, of God. But what about people who profess they are from God, but act in a way contrary to a Godly life.

We all know there is a stereotypical vision of a christian in many people’s minds. I feel like this is because of the contradiction in the way people act and what they say. “walk the talk” becomes optional, rather than required.

its frustrating.

more than ever, i realize that as a christian well aware of the fact there is a stereotype that it is up to me (and a few million other christians) to stop propagating the reputation of hypocrisy. To remove ourselves from the platform where defensiveness or even righteousness reigns and merely live our lives in a way that shows where we come from- and in turn where we’re headed…and at least for me I hope that place is a home in God’s kingdom.

 

“how can I further Your kingdom when I’m so wrapped up in mine?”

“cosmic battle”

today at church steve talked about the “cosmic battle” we’re waging against Satan. quite possibly the most powerful thing i’ve ever heard in a church in my entire life.

i’ve never ever ever thought about about Satan being the ruler over all, and God trying to battle satan. It has always been the opposite- God rules, and Satan tries to get the leg up.

also, i feel like a lot of the message was important for me to hear- i need to really stop fighting the people in my life, and fight the real fight. fights that i pick with the people that i love are stupid fights about things that don’t matter…just ‘things.’

“faithful, You are ever faithful, You are ever faithful to us, God”

Nothing dims these stars

God is funny sometimes.

Ok, most of the time- but i digress…

I interviewed for a position with a research institution affiliated with my university. I’ve been waiting all week to hear back from the interviewers, but instead I got an email tonight from a different woman in a different part of the institute asking me if i was interested in a different RA. Sometimes what we pray for isn’t exactly what we get- but God makes sure we get something. Even if I don’t get this new position (which I pray desperately I do!) it is interesting to think about what the plans He really has in store for me…

I’m moving Saturday. (just an fyi, i really don’t have anything to add about that….I just felt like forest gump a little “That’s all i have to say about that”)

So anyway. I’ve lived in NC for a whole year. Thinking back on a year ago is just so outrageous. At around this point in time I was getting ready to make the trek to NC to look for an apt. and crying myself to sleep every single night because i was sooooo scared and nervous. It was especially difficult because I couldn’t let my parents find out that I was nervous- they were already clearly apprehensive about their baby girl moving 600 miles away from them, and I couldn’t add to their fears with fears of my own.

But now I feel bad again- every time my mom and I talk about NC or my life after grad school, she asks is I’m coming back to OH and every time the answer is a resounding “Nope!”

When do our parents stop holding the guilt card?

I feel like regardless of how old i get or how far away i travel, my parents will always be able to hold that card. crazzyyyyy…

Oh well. I guess loving guilt is better than disinterest, huh?

Ps. interesting tidbit i learned this week? Platypus- they’re poisonous. Who knew? (You make want to check that b/c i’m not sure about the reliability of my source..but if it is true, its pretty cool, eh?)

beginning and the end…

i can’t think of anything worth saying..

You would think that by now I would be used to being busy. It seems like there are seasons of my life that are marked by the complete lack of free time, the frenzy that comes with too much to do and not enough time to do it (or at least too much procrastination to do it efficiently…)

When history repeats itself this many times, why is it so difficult to remember the right answer? Why do i continually volunteer myself for jobs and activities, roles and projects?

I think know there are many different types of workaholics. We’ve learned about workaholism in classes and studied different types, etc. But what I don’t know is the cause of workaholism. Sure, science may say there is a reason (i thought about doing a workaholism lit review right now, but decided that would be too ‘workaholicky’ for me…) but what is the reason?

Is it a compulsion to be great? To leave a mark? To make money? To excel? Or is it to fill that lonely part of youself? That part deep inside that just never seems to fill up, and the only thing that can keep you from thinking about how extremely lonely you are is by not giving yourself time to think about it, jamming your life so completely full of appointments and tasks that you can’t spend time thinking about the gnawing ache in your soul?

But how do you find that lonely piece and make it better? What can possibly satisfy that ache? There are a million lonely people in this world, people who have other people that love and care about them beyond belief, and yet there is something inside of them that just doesn’t let it get too close. The fulfillment doesn’t find its way to the core of the soul…maybe melts the ice a little, but nothing to close to home.

It is so easy to pretend you’ve got it all. That work and school and collecting degrees and titles is all that matters, and that you’re not worth more than the letters you have behind your name. How easy to get caught up in the competition to be better, the idea of throwing someone under the bus rather than standing on the shoulders of giants…

I ask this: when will we be able to overcome ourselves and heal the hurt in our world that can’t be seen? That hurt the person next to us feels even when we think their life is perfect?

Next time you’re judging someone else because you think their life is golden, remember this: No one but the Lord is perfect….and even He got crucified….

 

you and I are forgiven and free…

a simple blood test…

I was just watching a medicine commercial that ended with the typical list of warnings, including “a simple blood test can check for…”

I realized that blood can tell a lot about a person.  By examining your blood, a doctor can tell about the multitude of health issues you have, have had, will have…and medicate you accordingly.

Think about other important parts of our life that involve blood. Blood donation for example– if I think about it for about 2 seconds, I realize that the concept of taking the blood out of my body and putting it into a strangers body is soooo strange.

Or what about the saying “blood is thicker than water.” While that may be true on a conceptual level, it’s meaning is less tangible- saying that family is more reliable or people trust family more than non-family. It’s shared blood.

How about ‘blood brothers?’ You know, that special secret ceremony that everyone else did too (even though you thought you were the only ones) where you and your best buddies cut your fingers (or palms) and let you blood ‘mix’ making you friends for life.

Blood. Pumps, courses through your body, and most especially through your heart…think about the information you find in your blood. Now think about the things your heart says about you- if you could test your heart, what would it say? Would it be diseased? Do you share it with people who need it? Is it your strongest link to your family? Do you give a bit of your heart to your friends?

What does your heart say about you?

our lives laid down, Yours magnified

we all want to change the world…3:33

Isn’t it strange how life seems to go in cycles?

Isn’t it strange how people can fool you?

Isn’t it strange how I always seem to catch the time 3:33 (usually p.m. thankfully) on the clock?

Isn’t it strange how quickly your life can make a dramatic turnaround?

Isn’t it strange how easy it would be to just quit?

Isn’t it strange how you think you know the people around you but really you have no idea what their struggles are?

—–

At church we had a “prayer service” tonight. On Sunday, Jonathan asked us to write up something that we were personally struggling with on paper hung up around the room. Then tonight from 4-9 they opened the doors and people just came and prayed over whatever people’s struggles were. Every time the struggle was prayed over, the person praying circled the struggle.

On Sunday when it was explained and we all went to write, it seems so simple. But tonight was one of the most powerful moments I have ever had in my life. Reading what people are struggling with really brought 4 things to my attention

1. There are a TON of other people who are struggling with what I’m struggling with…which is insanely amazing to know. (I wish I knew who they were so we could talk about it…but its nice to know that other people feel like me!)
2. My struggles aren’t as bad as a lot of people’s struggles.
3. The people I go to church with are human too. They hurt, they have problems, they’re life isn’t peachy. And they come and they smile and say hi and pretend everything is great, even when they’re carrying some pretty heavy stuff around.
4. My church is awesomely amazingly wonderful. To see all the circles, all the people praying, all the tears and heartfelt emotion people displayed when reading some of the struggles…its AWESOME to have those kind of people walking with me.

Tonight was a night i’ll remember for a long long long time. These people and their troubles and needs are stamped on my heart. It is easy to think about suffering as something that happens in the third world or someplace that isn’t one of the richest areas in the country– but everyone is suffering with their demons.

“You’re the light in this darkness, You are…”

You are.

There is no one like our God.

despite desperation, suffering, pain, famine, plague, poverty, disease…despite all…

we’re here.

we’re alive.

we keep going, every day, despite all odds, despite our personal struggles, our own demons, despite the other people and things that try desperately to tear us away from our Father God, we get up and do it again.

and by the grace of my Savior, I’ll do it again tomorrow. I’ll do it better. and when I fall, He’ll be there. He’ll pick me up, kiss me on the head, and say “its okay. try again.”

because there is no one like our God.

the verse below gives me the biggest hugest goosebumps I’ve ever had in my entire life. its from a Chris Tomlin song, and every time I hear it, i just..can’t fathom, but it just gives me the image of all of Raleigh just rising up and serving each other. being this community that just decides that we’re going about this all the wrong way. what would our world look like if just one city started doing that? its like in class no one wants to be the first one to raise their hand or to speak up. but what if all of us just decided to be the first person to help in times of suffering, to help people in need? ponder that over dinner…

“Greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city…”

’nuff said

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation’s revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable, 

Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable, 
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

go man, go…but not like a yo-yo

i’m moving in 2 weeks. i’m moving in 2 weeks. i’m moving. in 2 weeks.

anyway…

—

yesterday when I was praying, God gave me a big ol’ tap right on the shoulder (or a shout in the ear…hmm…) I realized that I need to have some part in ministry. I remembered when i was a kid i wanted to be a pastor, but the only way a woman in the catholic church could be involved in ministry was to be a nun (and that sure as heck wasn’t going to happen!) but yesterday i was just taking time to be quiet and talk to God and he gave me a big ol’ call. “Ashley. ministry. get over yourself.”

So, just to clarify, i am still going to be an I/O psychologist, but i know that i also need to be thoroughly involved in the ministry. I’m excited to see where this one is going to lead!

i also recently realized that i love working with teens. when i was trying to decide on a major when i was still in high school, i decided that i wasn’t going to be a music teacher b/c i knew that i definitely didn’t want to be a teacher, especially a jr high or high school teacher. now as i get older, i realize that i probably wouldn’t have minded that as much as i originally i thought i would. regrets? no. not a bit.

just keet in mind that God may have a plan for us, but I think he has a lot of options that would lead us to His ultimate plan. don’t ever count anything out!

“You’re still more awesome than I know”