It doesn’t pay much and you can’t unionize

Up since 4 am.

Not having a happy day. My heart feels like a brick in my chest. No matter what I did today, I just couldn’t feel happy…

I’m going to go to bed now. I’m shleepy, I’ve been up for far too many hours.

Barbecues galore

Today. I did not like…

I got up.
Took a shower.
Ate a bagel for breakfast.
Went outside.
Came back in.
Changed my coat.
Went out.
Came back.
Changed my coat.
Went out.
Came back.
Changed my shoes.
Went out.
Came back.
Changed my shoes.
Went out.
Came back.
Changed my shoes.
Went out.

Got to my car. My car=Frank.
Frank didn’t feel like starting.

I revved Frank’s engine. I finally decided that driving frank around would help, so I put one foot on the brake and one on the gas and got frank to move. Stalled at every stop sign and curve in my apt. complex.

Finally got Frank to his original parking spot.

Called AAA, and the tow truck came. Tow truck man got Frank to start on the second try. Naturally….

So I drove frank to the mechanic. Where they tried to get him to reproduce his symptoms. Think he would? Of course not.

Did i mention my mother comes tomorrow am?

Oh right.

So we’re leaving Frank and getting a rental. Lovely.

Did i mention we’re having a tropical storm?

And also that I have to babysit @ 10 am?

Oh, and that mom comes in the morning?

Or how about that I had to promise Andrew I’d help him with homework @ 6 am so he’d take me to the airport?

What a damn day.
I’ve had better…

Good news is… idk. That the guys @ Bull Tire recognize me? Although it was b/c he’s from toledo and we had the same area code… but i digress…

Dream?? umm…. umm….. cooking. planning a big elaborate meal, going grocery shopping, racing carts down the aisles. cooking like crazy, running around the kitchen, knocking stuff over and bumping into everything. then sitting down to enjoy a delicious meal, laughing about the day with the fam and spending hours at the table, so long that you finish eating, sit awhile and then start again

Alright- bed bed bed. Oh tomorrow…. blah…

SAS…. I despise you.

I scheduled 1.5 hours on my calendar to do psychometrics homework. I went to Eleni’s @ 6 pm to start working on it, because I knew I wouldn’t do it in my own living room.

… I just got home.

Approximately 3 times in the duration of said homework, I quit grad school.

I’m eagerly looking forward to the fun that awaits for the final project in this class…

AND what is up with this rain? Geeezzz! Its torrential! What the hell?

I’m cold.

Oh oh oh! I got my first participant for my thesis data collection! woo!!! He showed up. and the data collection worked. And he showed up! hahaha!!

i LOVE the song “this ain’t goodbye.” I turn the radio up as loud as it goes and belt that shit right out. holy moly. it is my absolute new favorite. completely. although it does make me cry, i still love it. ahhh… so good.

I also love parachute. but that gushing we’ll save for tomorrow

Dreamsssss?? a dark house, a piano and a song. a low melody and a quiet voice. music for the sake of music…. music that flows over your soul like a river. serenity and heartache, like a hand grasped tight around your heart. where breathing takes work and you feel it in your gut. where you have to close your eyes and let the wave roll. pure emotion in the form of a song…

/this ain’t goodbye, this is just where love goes when words aren’t warm enough to keep away the cold/this ain’t goodbye, this is not where our story ends, though i know you can’t be mine, not the way you’ve always been/as long as we’ve got time this ain’t goodbye/

Still ahead…

Never in my life…

So much work to do. Let’s make a list- maybe that will make it look less intimidating.

-Thesis data collection
-Thesis paper revision
-Motivation term paper
-Motivation final project
-Psychometrics homework (due Friday)
-Psychometrics final exam
-Psychometrics final project
-Leadership final paper
-Leadership final presentation
-POQ project
-New job paperwork

Aw crap. There was more than I thought, not less.
This sucks.

Bought the new Train CD today…. its pretty much epic. An amazing recommendation!! Woo!!

Tomorrow, all 4 boys- gotta love track out– then data collection, with participant 1 of 200.

Bed bed bed! Dreams of a rainy night on the balcony, calm and quiet. Under blankets and listening to the raindrops hit the ground….

Hey soul sister I dont want to miss a single thing you do…

Its electrifying

I spent all day at the center for creative leadership.

I have no interest in leadership development.
This is both good and bad.

The center was very interesting. I like some of the stuff they do, and have used their data before. But i just don’t care about leadership, really.

You know that means that I’m totally going to work in leadership for like… the rest of my life, right?

I am really intrigued by the non-profit stuff though. I really need to get into more of that. And they are opening an office in Africa. All else fails, there’s always Ghana. (in actuality, i really want to visit africa sometime. I hear its GORGEOUS.)

And now, back to the “to-do” list. I stayed up super duper late on Sat. night cleaning the apt. for Wanda’s visit this weekend. I think I need to make a plan for this week on homework doing. Its gotten a bit out of hand, unfortunately. Lots of papers and research to get done. I can feel the tension in my neck. You know its bad at that point..

Tonight’s dream: summer sun, fast car. Great music, windows down. Sunglasses, wind whipping your hair. Twisting and turning down back country roads. Biggest smile on your face… ahhh…

No lyrics tonight… i actually don’t even have a song in my head at the moment. Maybe tomorrow! (Oh yeah, PT again tomorrow- my back is killing me!)

Nightnight!

Biloxi

why biloxi, you may ask?

idk. just sounds funny.

today was the first time in a longgggg time that i just got to go to church. i showed up for third service, attended service and left. i have taught or shadowed or sung nearly every week for the last year or so. it was weird! i actually missed my kiddies, especially mr. braeden! But aaron pelsue band played worship and they pretty much rocked, so that was just awesome….

g’boro ALLLLLL DAYYYYY tomorrow for leadership class.
blah.

alright. bedtime. i’m such an old lady, its pathetic.

dreamin’ of walking through a park on a warm, bright sunny spring day dogs and ice cream cones and sunglasses!! wooo!!!

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

My soul, my soul must sing

Damn.

I am worn out.

I finally got my survey online. A few bugs in it, but things i’m just going to have to deal with being a pain in the ass, and move on with my life. However, the IAT isn’t working correctly at the moment, which i can’t just live with. So hopefully Adam can get that worked out and i’ll be rolling with data collection. Such a damn process.

Wanda comes this weekend.

Yeah.

Had “thanksgiving” at the Hinton’s tonight. It was delish! I’m glad they had it. Its my NC thanksgiving tradition, and last year was really sad with the real beginning of Boompa’s downturn. Not a happy day last year, and the memories still clouded the day today. But it was good to see everyone again and eat goooood food!!!

I’m feeling raw, emotionally. Like I kind of just want to cry. I wish crying still made me feel better… but sometimes it just feels like the catharsis of crying isn’t working. There are always plenty more tears where the others came from….

What shall I dream of tonight, you ask? I think… a phone call. A voice across the airwaves, the sound of a smile and a laugh, the emotion in the sound of spoken words that can’t quite be conveyed through typeface. The sound of happiness, contentment, joy and peace, a heart to heart connection, overflowing love. Light in the darkness, hope for happy endings. A voice from home…

I believe that love is the answer. I believe that love will find a way

Brrrr….

I’m chilly.

And sleepy.

More to come tomorrow on EVG, Hi5, Busy Bee and The Hive….

night, ya’ll!! sweeeeeet dreams!!!!

<3

Unlimited. Nationwide.

Well, i joined a lifegroup at the beginning of merge. It was a group of 10 or so young women, and it was fun. Good to hang out with new people and connect with new friends.

But, as is my life, I have to take a class next semester that is the exact same time as my new lifegroup.

So tonight, I tried a different one. I was super nervous. I thought it would be awkward, i thought i’d be the only one who wasn’t married (ok, i was the only one who wasn’t married), and I’d be the youngest (ok, i’m the second youngest by 1 day…) and that it would be totally weird and i’d feel out of place.

But i had so much fun! They all cracked me up, it wasn’t awkward or anything! I’m actually really happy with this group, and i’m very glad i went tonight

My day tomorrow? Welcome to friday…. Nanny 9-1, home @ 1:30ish, departmental meeting @ 5, happy hour @ 6ish. Can’t wait to sleep in on Saturday, that is for sure!

Dream for tonight? Sunny spring day, a cool metal table and chairs on the sidewalk outside a cute coffee shop, sitting under a pretty striped awning. A friend, iced coffee and a cookie. Unwinding, talking, people watching and laughing at crazy hairstyles and people who wear crocs

And it’s cold and darkness falls
It’s as if you’re in the next room so alive
I could swear I hear you singing to me

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